What is White Matter

White matter is the brain tissue through which messages pass between different areas of grey matter within the nervous system. Using a computer network as an analogy, the grey matter can be thought of as the actual computers themselves, whereas the white matter represents the network cables connecting the computers together.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Two Rivers – Part – 5 [The Proposal – Ankush’s Viewpoint]

July 2009

Love was unsaid, feelings were untold. Four long years of engineering were over. It was the last day of Shimmy in Chennai.

A message flashed on my cell phone:

“Hi Ankush, I am leaving...probably we will never meet. All the best... Bye”

''Yes, all the very best to you too."

I’ve taken a trip down the memory lane of the last four years and finally, I’d typed this message. It was too difficult to hold my tears.  

***
*Flashback* 2005 - 2009

Right from the fifth day of the college, Shimmy had me at the first glimpse. I’d liked her choice of western formals and a cute look with a soft makeup, resembling a Chinese Actress.

When she stared at me for the first time I'd to confess, I was lost in her kohl-tipped eyes.  As she seated at her desk in a state of confusion, my eyes had indeed followed her, though unusual and surprising for my own nature of indifference. There were some inexplicable and invisible vibes, which were attracting me towards her.

I’d resolved never to be involved in any love affair or flirting or any friendship with girls. For me, my study and my goals were important. Yet, the more I’d tried not to fall in love with her, more I got attracted to her, though silently but without letting her know about it. 

My passion was singing and playing guitar. Was it the age or her attraction, I’d loved to sing romantic songs of Ali Jafar, Jal Band and ARR. My songs reflected the deep emotions and touched the heart of the audience around.

Earlier my songs felt so empty, plain and meaningless. I realized this strange or positive change that how a simple thought of her and my skipped heartbeats filled the missing notes in between.  Many times while singing with closed eyes, I felt her nearby. It was the first time or may be the last time, I had found someone to dedicate the songs and to vent out my feelings through resonating lyrics.

The eyes of many girls followed me and I was so negligent to all those, but not to one pair of beautiful eyes.  Somehow, I adored her stares and the way she looked away sheepishly, once caught. I used to wait for her to join our project work. I used to cherish her company and her talks (may be technical, but sounded as jingles to my ears).

A mutual friend, Manish, told me about her love towards me. My heart filled with immense happiness inside, however, to honor the promises to self, I kept my distance and silence intact.

***
July' 2010

It was one long year that went without knowing her whereabouts except her email-id in the slam book. I didn't know where she went after college. I had a stable job in Haryana now, with a good GMAT score as well.

I held back on my mail to Shimmy in drafts, until I realized that I would never get rid of her thoughts and the urge to see her once more. I hit the send button.

And my journey begins with a long-distance friendship and occasional face to face encounters with her.

We talked regularly on the phone as well had SMS/Chat every day. We began to know about each other. Every day started with a good morning message. The nights were incomplete without a sweet good night message and of course with multiple smileys, in abandon.
Even we were far away, every word spelled, every sweet compliment exchanged, every occurrence of smiley and every word made me smile for so many days.

I knew that we both cannot hold for long, to turn towards a trail of love, sweet love.

***
February’ 2011

We sat under a bamboo shade at the park nearby. As usual, I used to tell her my dreams, sing songs and listen to her unending talks.

“Do you know, Shimmy? I have a dream about my first car.”

“Let me guess. It is Swift OR Honda City.” – She rolled her mischievous eyes.

“Nope, I won't buy any other car than BMW.”

She burst out with laughter. I was not able to take my eyes off her.

“You are beautiful.”

She blushed and her laughter reduced to a sheepish smile.

*Deep breath Inhale*
“Shimmy, I have this dream that you are by my side and holding my hand, when I am driving the BMW.

I know it may sound crazy, but I’d a secret crush on you till now and but not anymore. The day you entered in the class, the day when you looked into my eyes and gazed. The days when you spent moments with me talking about IC and Chips. Something inexplicable had happened.

I do not know the reason of anything, which I did or doing now at this minute.

There is something buried deep inside my heart, I want to show it you now. Songs which I sang for you, tunes that I’d dedicated to you and the mental notes I’d prepared, which never seen the light of the day until we met.

There are many questions too.

Why I’d attracted to only you?
Why?

Why I keep listening to your chit-chat an as if I am enjoying an eternal concert of music, where my heart beats dances with the musical notes up and down, on the pages of my soul.
Why?

Why I do not worry about sharing my weirdest dreams and fantasies with you, even at the cost of making myself vulnerable. The freedom is what I experience when I am with you.
Why?

Whenever you go away, somehow I know you will come back to me. It was like we had never been separated.
Why? 

There is no absolute reason why I am in love with you?

I just know, I Love You and I want to be with you.

Will you marry me?”

*Exhale*

The soul of Shankar Mahadevan left me and my breathless performance was over. I was on my knees.

Shimmy was in awestruck and tears rolled down her cheeks, the tears of happiness, of course. It was the rain she waited for so long, I knew.

“Yes, Ankush, Yes!!!”

She nodded and hugged me like an innocent kid. I’d patted her back and kissed her forehead.

***
The distance between us had subsided now but still we were thousand miles apart technically. I was in Haryana and she was in Maharashtra.

Earlier our enemy was time and words unsaid. Now, it was the distance and opposition from her family, bearing to my cast. 


 [To Be Continued]

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